There are times when we must hold our tongues, saints. Don’t you dare tear down what is to be built up. Don’t you dare have the audacity to destroy what is to be edified.
knowledge puffs up, but love builds up
1 Corinthians 8:1
“Dear God. Forgive me. It is my pride that makes me independent of You. It’s appealing to me to feel that I am the master of my fate, that I run my own life, call my own shots, go at it alone. But, that feeling is my basic dishonesty. I can’t go at it alone. I have to get help from other people, and I can’t ultimately rely on myself. I’m dependent on You for my very next breath. It is dishonest of me to pretend that I’m anything but a man/woman — small, weak, and limited. So, living independent of You is self-delusion. It is not just a matter of pride being an unfortunate little trait, and humility being an attractive little virtue; it’s my inner psychological integrity that’s at stake. When I am conceited, I am lying to myself about what I am. I am pretending to be You, and not man/woman. My pride is the idolatrous worship of myself. Help me, Lord, then and through this day to move idol worship of self, rights, and determination aside. I am tired of pretending to be someone greater than I am, tired of working hard to convince others and self that I can control it all. I cannot and need you now. Would you, in your grace, understanding, and kindness, now be my assurance and soul satisfaction. Lead me to Your still and sure waters that I may find you strong where I am weak. Amen.”
I found this man on 7th Avenue in Park Slope. He was leaning heavily on his cane, looking down, wearing a grimaced face. I felt bad for him, so I smiled and waved when I walked past. His face changed completely. He lit up, smiled wide, and gave me a cheery greeting. There was nothing forced about it. He seemed like a man who went through life looking for the smallest excuses to be happy.
I walked 50 feet down the sidewalk, turned around, and walked back to him. “I want to take your photo,” I told him, “because of how big you smiled when I walked by.”
He said: “Well I saw someone smiling at me who I didn’t even know. So I thought: ‘By God! I Better do something!’”Aw, so cute.
I just watched a clip from a recent Rangers v. Yankees game where a foul ball was hit into the stands, right towards a cute little boy being held in his fathers arms with an over sized baseball glove in his outstretch hand, reaching desperately to catch the incoming ball in vain.
The ball lands 2 feet to his right where a middle aged couple pick it up and begin celebrating and taking pictures, completely oblivious to the anguishing child.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/82486120/
What I like about this video is what one of the on-air announcers said as he let us continue to watch the poor child cry his eyes out.
“This is just a blimp on the radar screen of life…there’s gonna be much worse to come kids”
How true. How true.
But at the end…
Someone from the Rangers dugout personally threw the kid a brand new baseball.
He was all smiles from then on. : )
If you just keep on keeping on things will get better, one way or another. 
- Conan O’Brien
One of the biggest let downs, and even one of the most painful events, I’d say, is when you spend an immense amount of time working your way up to something and everything seems to be working out…so close to victory…and……. then you lose it. Choked.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance fills you up.
I am currently down a path where things are looking to be building up to something great; I’m at a place where I know I could not have made it without generous doses of Divine grace.
And to think that all this can be easily taken away, with little to no explanation, just boggles my selfish mind….I’m honestly thinking too far ahead actually. I’m being pessimistic expecting to fail. But I’m trying to hope for the best but expect the worst.
I’m approaching a juncture in this path where I will be forced to reveal the darkest parts of my life and have it scrutinized to no end, while being monitored on a computer in an interrogation room by trained professionals who can sniff out a lie in an instant.
I know that if I’m honest there is a chance I may be disqualified based on the mistakes I honestly admit to alone, or be let through because I am honest, and my character is considered more important than my immature mistakes and technicalities.
But if I attempt to conceal it, even in the slightest, there is a possibility that I may get through with a bluff, but if caught I will definitely be disqualified, disgraced, and barred.I’ve made it this far. No, I’ve been carried this far. All I had to do was physically move myself to get things rolling.
*sigh, I’m going to be honest.
I’d rather be disqualified as an honest person than a liar.
In the mean time I’m on a journey to figure out what to do with myself during the summer. An internship would be nice. I hate applying to places. I don’t know how my roommate is able to sit there and work on his resume and cover letters all day, sending out 5 applications a day! Man, I gotta step my game up!
-Mere Christianity
C.S.Lewis
I’ve been reflecting back on Mark 4, the parable of the sower, and how seeds thrown onto rocky places initially are overjoyed by the word, but then quickly fall away in the face of trouble or persecution.
Things haven’t been bad. But things haven’t been really good either. Which would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m observing everything decline at a gradual slope. Its an incredibly slow process, as if I’m being grated away by wind erosion.
A little bad luck here, some disputes there, some things I can manage, in others I feel helpless.
In the midst of it all I feel pretty small. i try to come up with solutions to my problems but all I can think of is just to keep on keeping on and hope for the best. No more prayers or faith anymore, just keep you head low and hope for the best… Not a good idea.
I can remember a semester ago I’d tell myself I’d be ready for any trials in my way, that I’d have the strength of faith to tackle it all and survive like Job.
But my bravado has melted into a vat of “i’ll just try and get by”.
It sucks because at 21 you’d think you would have the emotional and mental capacity to generally deal with any common obstacle. But I’m finding that its the sheer number of common obstacle in my path that discourages me, not so much the severity of each one. Though it would suck immensely if they were ALL horrible.
I’ve already won this battle, because Christ is with me. I’ve already won this battle, because Christ is with me. I’ve already won this battle, because Christ is with me. I’ve already won this battle, because Christ is with me.
Lets make Him proud Julian. Chin up.
